i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
