I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
