her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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