I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
