You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
