all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
