Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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