I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
