Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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