You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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