it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
