She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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