my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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