Cold hands, warm shart.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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