When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
