well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
