He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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