a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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