dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
