i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this just has baby written all over it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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