third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
