What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
