Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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