How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
