My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize