If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
