Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
