So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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