I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
