Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
