see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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