I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize