And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
