Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
