Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
