Christians are straight up FREAKS
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
