ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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