i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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