found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Randomize
