I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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