My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
