Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
