It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is Oprah even human
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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