Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
