Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
