Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
