Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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