Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize