Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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