Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
