ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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