We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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