he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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