Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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