dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
