I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
