As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
