we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
