every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
