Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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