cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
