Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
