so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
