the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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