It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We're too hungover to prance.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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