Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Enjoy the penises
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
