Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
