and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I looked at my own cervix.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
