Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
