I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
