You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
