She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize