P.S. I can't hear my feet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
